I was naive
I’ve been seeing a counsellor recently, just to make sense of why I feel the way I feel sometimes. It’s true that trauma from your past breeds poor mental health, but rather naively I thought seeing a counsellor would make me happy.
I was wrong, but I’m glad about it. Seeing a counsellor has helped me become a more reflective person, not a happier one.
You see, people who lack direction, hope or any kind of sense of being often, like I do, feel a great sense of worry and nothingness. Therefore we seek negative and toxic relationships/friendships/outlets that are easy and allow us to feel something other than nothing.
This is all too common amongst the youth of today who resort to social media, which is poison, to try and seek a collective culture of people who feel similar to them. Social media is emblazoned with enough images of war, poverty, corruption and outright negativity and hate to last a lifetime. Coupled with being in an environment with inflation rocketing and wages stagnating, of course young people are going to be sad. But I digress.
Seeing my counsellor has made me think about things differently in the quest for my own ‘Truth’ to give purpose and direction, as well as providing a productive outlet and a bit of impartial guidance. We delved deep into my past and a lot of things started to make sense. I was using toxicity to feel as it was what I was used too.
I’m not saying that going to a therapist is the key to making you happy. I’m an optimistic nihilist and I can confirm that is not what a therapist or counsellor does. I’m talking through different reflective exercises, you learn that happiness is most felt upon reflection. You are able to connect little dots that provide a sort of contemplation of how you felt in that time or stage of your life.
I can confirm the last time I was truly a bit more content was after my first year of uni in the summer break. After that I used different mechanisms in order to feel something other than nothing. But I don’t regret anything; I am a more reflective, considerate person as a result. Hopefully dear old Plato would approve in these efforts to reach some kind of transcendence.
In order to improve your state of living, working out your Being in relation to the spaces you frequent (relationships/work life/places you go) and trying to point towards different ‘Truths’ (points of meaning) in your life is a good reflective practice to start and end each day.
Try this: write down all the things, good or bad, that happened during the day and how they made you feel. Once that’s done, cross out the bad points and write opposite feelings and how, rationally in that situation, they could be achieved.
You may not achieve ultimate happiness, but eventually you just may master your own feelings.